Most people recognize in a time of discomfort or dissatisfaction that it’s time for change. Whether it’s related to a relationship, personal health & well-being, upgrades to home, career situation, vehicle, or whatever, they have an itch for something to be different.
At the time of the intense urge for change, it’s tempting to leverage the motivation and resources, and latch onto a readily available or trendy offer or solution, and jump in, eager to quickly feel better.
When individuals or a business/company reach out to me to assist as a Coach, Counselor, or Consultant to guide them with their desired change, we begin with identifying and celebrating their strength, support (those who’ve been unconditionally supportive) and success in moving beyond adversity and challenge. There is evidential power and agency in how they’ve created success in the past.
I emphasize the importance of starting this way because this self-recognized and meaningful resilience is important to leverage with their current investment in change – what I prefer to call “refinement”.
Equally important is their clarity of their “why”- what’s driving their desire for refinement/change. Through this reflection and deeper dive of the “why”, we discover the true “why”; What we often initially believe to be the “why”, is not the true “why”, but rather one approach/means by which to attain the true “why”.
Our strength and resiliency, combined with our true “why” is the “secret sauce” to our steady investment in and sustainable success with refinement/creating our desired change.
I explicitly introduce the reality that we invite grief when we invest to refine/create change. With enthusiasm for “better”, we must also prepare for the short-term, heightened distress of the grief we’ll experience along the way- that of our own, as well as the grief that others around us will experience with the changes we’re making. It’s essential to reflect on and acknowledge contributing factors with past success in navigating through grief associated with change.
We grieve the familiar, the predictable, the comfortable, and what we’ve believed to be true about ourselves, others, and the environments of which we’ve been apart. In our efforts to refine, we awaken to truths- about ourselves, and the people we’ve held close to us- truths may cause us discomfort. As we disrupt the familiar, predictable and comfortable that others have experienced with us, we learn just how genuinely supportive others may be of us, and how they manage their own grief.
It is at this juncture of short-term distress and heightened angst, at the Y if you will, that a decision about which route to take needs to be made- go left and avoid the discomfort by resorting back to what’s been familiar, predictable and comfortable, or continue on the “right” path to stay true to the “why”, allocate extra doses of strength and resiliency, and leverage necessary support to stay the course of refinement and achieve one’s desired “better”.
Here are a few tips for “staying the course”:
· Envision (daily) what it will look like when things feel “better”
· Set yourself up for success with small and realistic goals to incrementally build upon
· Map out and plan specific action steps aligned with identified goals- schedule and create respective boundaries and parameters for personal accountability
· Strategically engage supports for encouragement, inspiration, and celebration
· Seek exceptional evidence: Notice the times when you have that feeling and what’s contributing to that feeling
· Celebrate each small evidence of refinement
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